Today I’m 38. I’ve hit that point in life that I remember finding so bizarre as a child. The point where you can’t remember how old you are. The other day the girls asked me and we all laughed so hard tears were streaming down my face as I counted on my fingers to determine I was going to be 38. Here we are.

I honestly never thought I would make it this far. Not because I’ve lived some crazy youth although I had my briefest of moments. I thought that because as a kid I couldn’t imagine what my future adult self would look like or be like. Yet…here we are.

I read the other night about a 19 year old girl who became the youngest woman to fly solo around the world. Amazing times we live in. I laughed in awe and irony as I don’t even own a passport. It’s on my to-do list. I can’t check off other bucket list items without it.

I think over the past 20 years of my life and think like a fine wine I’m getting better. 38 year old me is a much better daughter, friend, sister, and person than at any other point. I have so many things in my life that bring me wonder, awe, happiness not just once in a while, but on a daily basis. I find something small each day that makes me feel so connected to whatever this greater thing around us is.

I haven’t found any gray hairs yet. I have a few wrinkles that I embrace for the familial signals they are while also regretting their existence. My skin isn’t “even” any more, but I think of the dots on my nose as newly earned freckles. It’s all about perspective. I’m just as strong/fit as I was in my early 20’s if not more. I can still pick up my babies and get up off the floor even if it requires some noises to accomplish.

I don’t know if I’ll live to be old because I can’t imagine what my future older self will look like or be like, but…if the pattern holds steady, I imagine she’ll be one bad ass lady to know.

Reflections on my Birthday

Olive & Ivory